The Importance of Being Earnest

Act I

Scene: Morning-room in Algernon’s flat in Half-Moon Street. The room is luxuriously and artistically furnished. The sound of a piano is heard in the adjoining room.

Lane is arranging afternoon tea on the table, and after the music has ceased, Algernon enters.

Algernon

Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?

Lane

I didn’t think it polite to listen, sir.

Algernon

I’m sorry for that, for your sake. I don’t play accurately⁠—anyone can play accurately⁠—but I play with wonderful expression. As far as the piano is concerned, sentiment is my forte. I keep science for Life.

Lane

Yes, sir.

Algernon

And, speaking of the science of Life, have you got the cucumber sandwiches cut for Lady Bracknell?

Lane

Yes, sir. Hands them on a salver.

Algernon

Inspects them, takes two, and sits down on the sofa. Oh!⁠ ⁠… by the way, Lane, I see from your book that on Thursday night, when Lord Shoreman and Mr. Worthing were dining with me, eight bottles of champagne are entered as having been consumed.

Lane

Yes, sir; eight bottles and a pint.

Algernon

Why is it that at a bachelor’s establishment the servants invariably drink the champagne? I ask merely for information.

Lane

I attribute it to the superior quality of the wine, sir. I have often observed that in married households the champagne is rarely of a first-rate brand.

Algernon

Good heavens! Is marriage so demoralising as that?

Lane

I believe it is a very pleasant state, sir. I have had very little experience of it myself up to the present. I have only been married once. That was in consequence of a misunderstanding between myself and a young person.

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